"You do what for a living?"

That is the usual response that I get when I tell people about my job.  The incredulous stare, the scoffing and derision.  It’s pretty normal for me now.  Because let’s face it, when you tell someone that your job is to talk to teenagers about the importance of waiting to have sex until they are married…the doubt and confusion is pretty standard.

The next question I get is “Do you think it actually makes a difference?”  And yes, it does.

Each school year I talk to around 1300 students here in the Fairbanks North Star Borough, in both middle and high schools.  In each class I give the students an index card so that they can anonymously tell me what they think about the presentation.  The overwhelming response I get back is:  “Thank you so much for letting me know that it’s okay to wait!”

The fact is that most teens have enormous amounts of pressure on them from peers, the media, and society when it comes to sex.  The accepted notion is that teens are going to have sex, no matter what; that they can’t control themselves.  Teens hear this message all the time in movies, TV shows, music, and even from parents and educators.  What I have observed is that most teens are relieved to know that they have a choice, and that they can choose to wait. 

When I walk into a school and head down a hallway to the health class, I am stopped at least a dozen times by students giving me high fives and hugs.  They yell down the hall, “Hey look!  The Sex Lady is back!”  They don’t call me the “Abstinence Lady” or the “No Sex Lady”, because they know that I’m not putting sex down or making them think it’s something dirty or shameful.  I simply let them know that if they want to have the best sex ever, and accomplish all the goals they have for their lives, then waiting is a great way to do that.

And while most of my presentation is fun and inspiring, we do talk about some of the negative sides to sex outside of marriage.  I share with students some of the pain and heartbreak that I experienced by not waiting, and I encourage them to make better choices so they won’t have to experience the same things.

The bottom line is that teens want to be challenged, encouraged, and empowered.  It is time for us to raise the bar for them to succeed, not just to scrape by.  It’s time for us to hold them to a higher standard and support them as they strive to reach it.